Boundaries That Will Save Your Peace as You Grow Older

Growing Older, Growing Wiser: Boundaries Everyone Should Learn

As we grow older, we start to realize one thing: life gets lighter when you learn to set boundaries.
Boundaries are not about pushing people away, they’re about protecting your energy, your peace, and your self-respect. Yet in a culture like ours, where pakikisama and self-sacrifice are deeply valued, setting boundaries can feel selfish.

But here’s the truth: boundaries are an act of love for yourself and for others.

Let’s break down some boundaries you must carry with you as you get older:

1. You’re Not Obligated to Solve Everyone’s Problems

Not every burden is yours to carry. While compassion is a virtue, constantly taking on others’ problems can lead to burnout and compassion fatigue (Figley, 1995). You can care without carrying everything.

2. Choosing Peace Needs No Justification

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for seeking peace. According to mental health research, reducing exposure to toxic environments can significantly improve emotional well-being (American Psychological Association, 2019). Your peace of mind is reason enough.

3. Not Everyone is a True Friend

As Dr. Brené Brown reminds us, trust is built in small moments over time (Brown, 2010). Not everyone who smiles at you deserves full access to your life. Learn to discern between acquaintances, temporary companions, and true friends. Connection is important, but discernment is essential.

4. You Don’t Have to Attend Every Fight You’re Invited To

Silence is not weakness—it’s wisdom. Walking away from unnecessary drama protects your mental health (Mayo Clinic, 2021). Not every battle is worth the scars.

5. Prioritizing Yourself is Self-Respect, Not Selfishness

Putting yourself first can feel guilty in a collectivist culture, but psychologists emphasize that self-care is critical for resilience (WHO, 2020). You can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care sustains your ability to love others.

6. Walk Away From Disrespect

If a place, relationship, or workplace does not value you, it is not where you belong. Studies show that toxic relationships are linked to stress, depression, and even physical illness (Umberson & Montez, 2010). Respect yourself enough to walk away.

7. Not All Opinions Deserve Space in Your Life

Everyone will have opinions, but only you live with the consequences of your decisions. Filter whose voices you allow to shape your path. Advice is optional. Your choices are yours.

8. Privacy is Power

You don’t have to post every success, failure, or detail of your life. Oversharing can invite unnecessary stress, criticism, or exploitation (Derlega et al., 1993). Sometimes the best moments are the ones kept private.

Final Takeaway

Boundaries are not walls—they’re gates. They allow in what nourishes you and keep out what harms you. Learning to say no is saying yes to your peace, your dignity, and your future.

As you grow older, you’ll find that the best gift you can give yourself is not just more opportunities, but stronger boundaries.

References:

• American Psychological Association (2019). Stress and Health.
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.
• Derlega, V., Metts, S., Petronio, S., & Margulis, S. (1993). Self-Disclosure. Sage.
• Figley, C. R. (1995). Compassion Fatigue: Coping with Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder. Brunner/Mazel.
• Mayo Clinic (2021). Conflict Resolution and Stress Management.
• Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51(Suppl), S54–S66.
• World Health Organization (2020). Self-care interventions for health.

It's not the best constitution in the world

The 1987 Philippine Constitution: Why It’s Outdated, Flawed, and Far from the World's Best

For decades, the 1987 Constitution of the Philippines has served as the nation’s fundamental law. Born out of the struggle against dictatorship, it sought to restore democracy. Yet, decades on, a chorus of experts, reformists, and citizens now argue that the charter is defective, outdated, and unfit for the dynamic challenges of the 21st century.

Entrenchment of Oligarchic Politics

While the Constitution aims to foster democracy, in reality, it has done little to break the grip of a small elite on political power. The nation's post-1986 laws have proved more successful at legislating social and economic measures than enacting genuine structural political change. Even strong-willed presidents, bolstered by supermajorities and public approval, failed to realize deep constitutional change, highlighting the document’s rigidity in the face of urgent reform needs. Rather than opening politics to ordinary Filipinos, the charter has enabled the persistence of oligarchic structures, limiting meaningful political participation.

Unaddressed Regional and Ethnic Conflicts

The 1987 Constitution has not meaningfully resolved longstanding regional struggles, especially in Mindanao. The Moro people’s demands for political autonomy and justice remain largely unmet, prolonging one of Southeast Asia’s longest internal conflicts. Failure to grant effective self-governance, alongside poor governance and persistent discrimination, has further justified separatist aspirations and fueled violence. Attempts at peace and autonomy, often rooted in constitutional provisions, have failed to deliver true empowerment and sustainable development in these regions.

Inadequate Checks and Balances

The judiciary, intended as an independent check, is in practice shaped by presidential appointments, with clear government-opposition coalitions forming within the Supreme Court. This undermines judicial impartiality and allows partisan agendas to permeate crucial legal decisions. Such flaws hinder the effective separation of powers, allowing for executive overreach or legislative gridlock.

Stagnant Political and Economic Development

Despite aspirations for good governance and progress, the Constitution leaves significant gaps in institutional performance and accountability. It does not force an overhaul of outdated laws or promote bold governance improvements. Instead, political incentives for real structural reform are weak; attempts at incremental change often fall short of the tangible results needed to tackle poverty, corruption, and inequality. Socioeconomic disparities linger, with calls for agrarian reform and alternative development models repeatedly stymied by the charter’s neoliberal framework and strongholds of elite power.

Problematic Church-State Dynamics

Although constitutional principles call for the separation of church and state, contemporary events reveal that these boundaries are often crossed. Political leaders and church authorities remain locked in conflict over issues such as reproductive health, sex education, and lawmaking. Instead of promoting a secular policy environment, the Constitution struggles to prevent profound religious influence over public affairs. This dynamic stymies social reform and undermines progress on issues like women’s health and rights.

Outdated Provisions and Language Issues

Some constitutional sections, reflecting the historical context of the late 1980s, have not aged well. For example, language policies aimed at unity or global competitiveness often fail in practice, allowing social realities and English-language dominance to persist at the expense of local languages and cultural identities. The Constitution’s ambiguous language on certain rights, governance structures, and social policies complicate effective and equitable implementation.

Persistently High Corruption and Weak Enforcement

The Constitution’s provisions against corruption have proved insufficient for eradicating deep-seated malpractices. Despite anti-corruption laws and periodic purges, corrupt practices remain endemic in the government, casting doubt on the effectiveness of constitutional safeguards. Laws designed to guarantee land reform and social justice also struggle with implementation, leaving marginalized communities with little genuine redress.

Education and Governance Failures

Philippine education reform has fallen short of its promise. Decentralization, promoted under the constitutional framework, has produced piecemeal adjustments rather than bold institutional transformation. Fundamental governance issues, such as inadequately defined functional responsibilities and lack of inclusive policymaking, go unaddressed, perpetuating inequity and administrative inefficiency.

Conclusion: Rotten at the Core?

In summary, the 1987 Philippine Constitution has failed to live up to its billing as the world’s best. It is rigid in crucial aspects yet vague where specificity is desperately needed. The document both reflects and perpetuates the fractured, elite-dominated reality it was meant to transcend. Calls for charter change, whether gradual or sweeping, reflect a common recognition: the time has come for decisive constitutional reform.

Spanish: The Language We Didn’t Choose to Lose

The Forgotten Majority: When Filipinos Spoke Spanish

The common answer says Spanish never really took root in the Philippines. That claim does not survive a serious look at the historical record.

Spanish was widely spoken in the Philippines by the time the Americans arrived. Not by a tiny elite (or ilustrados). Not only inside churches or courts. By ordinary Filipinos, as a first or second language. What changed was not public preference, but policy, power, and war.

The decline of Spanish was not natural. It was engineered.

First, we need to correct the numbers.

American censuses in 1903 and 1905 claimed that only around 10 percent of Filipinos spoke Spanish. With a population of roughly nine million, this placed Spanish speakers at about 900,000. But this figure counted only those who spoke Spanish as their first and only language.

In 1908, Luciano de la Rosa, a Katipunan veteran, lawyer, and member of the Philippine Assembly, published a different finding. He showed that around 60 percent of Filipinos spoke Spanish as a second language. Combined with first language speakers, this means close to 70 percent of the population could speak Spanish in some form.

That is a majority.

This was not an abstract claim. Early American officials confirmed it themselves. David P. Barrows, Director of the Bureau of Public Instruction, noted that the socially influential classes spoke Spanish. Politics, journalism, and commerce operated mainly in Spanish. English, at that point, was marginal.

Spanish was the working language of public life.

So what changed?

American rule deliberately disconnected the Philippines from the Hispanic world. This happened through three main channels.

First, education.

The Americans introduced a public school system that was broader and more efficient than what existed before. This part is often praised, and rightly so. But the system was designed to privilege English. Spanish was excluded from higher education and public administration. Over time, English became the language of mobility.

Ironically, early American education even increased Spanish literacy at first. Barrows himself admitted that more Filipinos knew Spanish after the American occupation began. This alarmed colonial officials. Barrows openly argued that Spanish would decline if it were cut off from institutional support, since the Philippines was geographically isolated from other Spanish-speaking countries.

That was not an accident. It was strategy.

Second, suppression and stigma.

Spanish was slowly removed from public life. It was portrayed as backward. Spain was framed as the villain of history, while the United States cast itself as the savior. English was presented as modern, practical, and necessary. Spanish became associated with the past, even with punishment. Speaking it meant exclusion from power.

Prominent Filipino educators resisted this shift. They were ignored.

Third, destruction.

World War II delivered the final blow.

Manila was the center of Spanish-speaking life. Districts like Intramuros and Ermita formed the cultural core of Philippine Hispanidad. During the Battle of Manila, over 100,000 civilians died. Most of the city was destroyed. Around 90 percent of Spanish-owned buildings and institutions were wiped out.

Spanish-speaking communities were physically erased.

Even then, Spanish did not disappear overnight. Before the war, Spanish literature in the Philippines experienced a golden age. Major Filipino writers were still producing works in Spanish well into the 1920s and 1930s. English literature was still developing.

Manila itself remained largely Spanish-speaking until the war. Ermita even developed its own Chavacano variety, now extinct.

After three American wars fought on Philippine soil, English became the language of the victor.

This history matters.

The disappearance of Spanish in the Philippines was not proof that Filipinos rejected it. It was the result of deliberate policy, cultural isolation, and mass destruction. Guillermo Gómez Rivera calls this cultural genocide. That term is debated. But the intent to sever the Philippines from its Hispanic roots is clearly documented.

The United States achieved many things. But its empire was built by dismantling other cultures. The Philippines is not unique. Guam, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Native American nations tell similar stories.

Spanish in the Philippines is weakened, but not dead. What is missing is an honest conversation. One that acknowledges how language power works. One that accepts that history is not neutral.

You cannot explain the present if you erase the past.

References

• Gómez Rivera, G. La persecución del uso oficial del idioma español en Filipinas. Revista Arbil.
• Gómez Rivera, G. Statistics: The Spanish Language in the Philippines.
• Barrows, D. P. Reports of the Bureau of Public Instruction.
• Quilis, A. and Casado-Fresnillo, C. La lengua española en Filipinas. Madrid, 2008.
• Rodríguez-Ponga, R. Pero ¿cuántos hablan español en Filipinas? Cuadernos Hispanoamericanos.
• The Sack of Manila. The Battling Bastards of Bataan.

Things to do in 2026 and beyond

100 things that I don't know that I should miss in my life

A curated list of 100 things I may not know that I should experience or not miss in life, in no particular order of importance, but arranged to inspire myself, and so are you:

Google Photo

Experiences that expand my world

• Visit a remote Philippine island with no signal.
• Watch a play at the Cultural Center of the Philippines.
• Walk alone in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language.
• Spend a night in an ancestral house in Vigan.
• Tour a Spanish-era church and ask the priest about its history.
• Get lost in Intramuros with no map.
• See the Northern Lights at least once.
• Visit a UNESCO heritage site outside the Philippines.
• Go on a solo road trip across Luzon.
• Ride a slow train through the countryside.

Creative and artistic moments

• Join an improv class (yes, even as an actor).
• Write and direct a short film—even on your phone.
• Paint something abstract and hang it in your home.
• Watch a silent film in an old theater.
• Memorize and perform a monologue by heart—just for yourself.
• Record your own voice reading poetry and play it back.
• Attend a backstage rehearsal of a major play.
• Make a documentary about your neighborhood.
• Collaborate with a visual artist.
• Try stage managing a small production.

Human encounters you won’t forget

• Listen to a stranger’s life story in a café.
• Interview a World War II survivor.
• Have a heart-to-heart with your oldest living relative.
• Sit beside a child and ask them about their dreams.
• Volunteer for a cause that makes you cry.
• Talk to a street vendor about their day.
• Reconnect with someone from your past—even if awkward.
• Hug a person who really needs it.
• Say sorry to someone you hurt.
• Say “I forgive you” even if they don’t apologize.

Soulful and inner work

• Take a vow of silence for one day.
• Spend one weekend offline.
• Write a letter to your future self.
• Meditate during sunrise in nature.
• Watch the stars with zero distractions.
• Let go of something painful—and release it with ritual.
• Read a sacred text from a different religion.
• Go on a retreat with no phones, no goals—just reflection.
• Keep a dream journal for a month.
• Light a candle for someone you lost.

Nature encounters to remember

• Hike a mountain before dawn.
• Swim under a waterfall in Sagada or Aurora.
• Plant a tree and name it.
• Sleep under the stars without a tent.
• Observe birds in their natural habitat.
• Feed animals in a wildlife sanctuary.
• Surf even if you’re scared.
• See fireflies in Palawan or Donsol.
• Trek to an old crater lake.
• Experience the sea during a full moon.

Lifelong learning

• Learn to write with your non-dominant hand.
• Read a book from a banned list.
• Learn how to say “thank you” in 20 languages.
• Take an online course on something obscure (like Norse mythology).
• Study your own family genealogy.
• Watch a foreign film without subtitles.
• Learn sign language basics.
• Memorize one famous speech (try Martin Luther King or Jose Rizal).
• Learn how to read your birth chart.
• Try solving a Rubik’s cube.

Professional lessons that matter

• Say no to a high-paying opportunity that doesn’t align with your values.
• Mentor someone younger than you.
• Pitch an idea that scares you.
• Get rejected and bounce back stronger.
• Be on stage or camera with no script.
• Negotiate your worth without guilt.
• Work with people who challenge your perspective.
• Present something live to a skeptical audience.
• Learn to say “I don’t know” confidently.
• Build a passion project that pays nothing—at first.

Simple joys and guilty pleasures

• Eat street food in a hidden alley.
• Cook your childhood favorite dish for friends.
• Drink halo-halo during a storm.
• Dance in the rain in your neighborhood.
• Watch a sappy teleserye and cry.
• Ride a tricycle at midnight while singing karaoke.
• Laugh until your stomach hurts with old friends.
• Eat alone in a fancy restaurant.
• Wear your fanciest clothes on an ordinary day.
• Watch your favorite movie three times in a row.

Financial and Legacy Thinking

• Save for something that inspires you, not just what you need.
• Set up a fund for someone else’s education.
• Create a will—even just a simple one.
• Buy land or a space that’s meaningful, not just profitable.
• Donate anonymously.
• Spend for an experience rather than a gadget.
• Learn how to do taxes by yourself (once).
• Write your “financial regrets” and learn from them.
• Build passive income—even if small.
• Gift a book that changed your life.

Legacy, Purpose, and the Long Game

• Speak at a school where you once studied.
• Write your personal manifesto and share it.
• Record a message to your future grandkids.
• Leave a thank-you note to your mentors.
• Help a stranger reach their dream.
• Plant something meaningful on your birthday.
• Build or help build a physical thing that outlasts you (a mural, tree, school desk).
• Tell your life story—even if you think it’s “ordinary.”
• Apologize to your younger self.
• Let your heart break wide open and still choose to love again.